Getting the message right:

This is the first thing you read on the home page of a website for a branding company, which specialises in creative design and marketing.  It is an example of much that is wrong with copy writing, and it was done by a professional.

When trying to best describe what (Company Name) is, it can be only too easy to slip into the same schpeel as any old brand and design agency.
As we are not just any agency, we want to attempt to explain who and what we are by using language that, hopefully, any future client or employee may understand.
(Company Name) aim to create brands and design that get people talking, that stand out from the clutter around them and that ultimately, make a difference to our clients.

The sentences are too long and rambling, while the message 

is negative and lacks confidence.  It is also poorly constructed 

and invents a word where one already exists: For 

schpeel see spiel. 

My suggestion:

(Company Name) is proud to stand out among Brand and Design Agencies.  Our comprehensive understanding of marketing enables us to design and create brands that make a competitive difference to our clients. 

Concise and positive, conveying a clear purposeful message.

Further investigation throughout their website reveals more and worse. 

I have since carried out a forensic examination of this website at the request of the Managing Director and submitted a comprehensive critique and re-write.  If and when it is implemented I shall identify it here (with permission).  Until then it would be unfair to do so. 

Examples

Myburgh

I write the press releases, advertising text, newsletters, e-mail-shots and other copy for Myburgh Designs.

Please visit their website: www.myburghdesigns.com 

It is usually best to be brief. Most people will read a paragraph if it is concise and to the point.  

This is a postcard for a yoga teacher:

Caroline Hutton

Some people who do Yoga with Caroline Hutton describe it as much more than just exercise and relaxation – it is like having a clandestine love affair.  Slip away and immerse yourself in both mind and body – and return a new person, invigorated, excited, inspired and rejuvenated, and when you practice betweentimes it is like nurturing a special secret. 
You’ll love it, and it will love you.  Call 01428 741764 today for an assignation. 
All pleasure and no risk. Remember though – we are talking about Yoga!

 "The Southern Rhodesia Service Medal Roll to the Defence Forces of the Colony of Southern Rhodesia"

Published by P. B. Munday
& C. S. Keith
© P. B. Munday & C.
S. Keith, 2011
First edition, 2011

(Proof-read by Otherfoot)

 Garden Wagons

My Garden Wagon: Romantic retreat, study and  office. 

Visit www.jasperco.co.uk where you can order one like it.